I have been home to see my family every summer for the past seven years. We have made it for a Christmas here and there, but a Summer trip home was always a given. This year that changed. Once we started our cash only life, I knew there wouldn't be any money for the trip. I now live with the rule that if I can't pay cash for it, then I don't do it. I had not been saving for the summer trip. There was never money left over to do any saving. So, when May hit I had to deal with the fact that I would not be going home this year.
This was not an easy thing to deal with. My family and I are very close. I have three younger sisters and we all talk often and are very much involved in each others' lives. Our children are also best of friends, and I knew that not going home would hurt a lot of people. But I had to be the grown up and say no.
The hardest thing to say no to was the annual camping trip. I talked about last year's trip in this post. It was hard camping last summer, but as my kids get older they will be easier to deal with (that's my theory any way). So this camping trip was going to be better. Plus, we had a whole bunch of family from Arizona planning on coming - family that I had not seen in many years. So I got depressed. I cried when I called my parents to tell them. Of course, they said they understood. But, I knew they would be bummed about not having one of their kids there this year.
May came to an end and I was bracing myself for school to let out. I was exhausted from all the running around. I was tired of half-day preschool, dance, and soccer practice. I was tired of always parenting alone. Ryan had the busiest semester to date this Spring, and it was felt by both of us. I missed my husband, I missed my freedom, and I missed my happiness.
Once school let out, I climbed into bed and stayed there for about two weeks. I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not. I laid there and watched TV (two seasons of Grey's Anatomy) I didn't want to do anything else. I did maintain the house and went grocery shopping. But, we didn't do anything extra at all. The kids played and watched TV. They're old enough to pretty much take care of themselves. So I wasn't worried. McKenna made it almost too easy for me to be completely worthless. Every morning when she gets up, the first thing she does is shut my door so Alana won't wake me up (I didn't even have to train her to do that). I think my kids sensed that I needed some down time. I slept in every single morning and it was blissful.
After my two weeks of self-indulgence, it was time for swimming lessons and Summer life. This was about when my bestie Brooke officially pulled me out of my "dark place". She got me involved in a project that I could really dive into. That and we had our DTR (define the relationship) and proclaimed each other best friends. There is nothing like a best friend to make the world a better place. I will fully go into the joys of Brooke in my next post.
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