Short and Sweet

My dear friends, I have been so busy. December always flies by, full of projects, projects and more projects. I have a fantastic list of things I made this year but never any time to blog about them. I fully intend to later. But as it is, I currently have no time to do it. So, on that note I will say Merry Christmas and I will return to you in 3 weeks time.

I am off on a wintry adventure.

The "TALK" Has Been Given

Ryan and I sat down with McKenna over the weekend and talked about sex.

McKenna is a very mature girl of seven. She sat and listened. She didn't get embarrassed or creeped out. She just took it all in.

Ryan led the discussion as we all sat together on the bed looking at the anatomy book. We showed her all the appropriate pictures and explained how things worked (within reason). We told her that sex is something that is supposed to be between husband and wife and any boy who tries to tell her differently is not worth having around. We defined the words virgin and sexy (she has asked about them in the past) and stressed the importance of her not talking to other kids about this. I hope she keeps her promise.

When it was all done the only question she had was, "What is that hanging down behind the penis? What does it do?". A good question that I think we all have wondered at one time or another.

She seemed so grown up through the whole process. I could tell that she felt like she was now a part of a special secret. She is such a good girl and I am so proud of the choices that she has made so far in her life. I think she will continue to make me proud.

I will be extremely happy if I don't hear her speak the word penis again for a very long time.

Busted

I got a speeding ticket.

Bad Mommy!

I was late leaving the house to pick Evan up from school. Alana was screaming at me from the back seat so I was way too distracted. By the time I saw the cop on his motorcycle I knew he had me. He was hurriedly putting away his stuff and switching on his lights and pulling out right behind me.

I dutifully pulled over. I didn't bother to argue or make excuses. I was caught doing 59 mph in a 45 mph. It is a tricky spot because the road he clocked me on is essentially a long ramp to enter the freeway. I was speeding up to get into traffic. I guess I was speeding up too early. I took my ticket and went on to pick up Evan, extra late.

Texas is not very nice to speeders. I found out the next day that the ticket would cost me $237. Ouch! They are not completely heartless, however, and since this is my first ticket I can get it dismissed if I attend defensive driving school. I have to pay $107 for the course.  And get this, I have to pay an extra $10 to get my driving record (from the state of Texas) to prove that I haven't taken the course before (from the state of Texas).  They were at least nice enough to give me an extension of 45 days. I picked the wrong time of year to get a ticket.

So come the first of January I will march into the courthouse, pay the money and get going with the process.

Seriously! The Sex Talk in Second Grade?

McKenna came home from school today.

"Mom Brianna told me that Jessica told her that she wants to have sex with her brother. I don't even know what that means. Brianna just said it is gross. So what is it?"

WHAT!!!

"I'm sorry honey what did you say?!?"

She repeats it.

"Well....that is something that we will talk about with your father, when we have some time to be alone."

Ryan told me this summer that he wanted us to have the sex talk with McKenna before she started second grade. He didn't want her to learn about it from kids at school. I protested and asked that we wait one more year.

Apparently, I was wrong and he was right.

So, as soon as school slows down we will sit her down together and have "the talk". Ryan is very admit that we approach this as a united front. We will talk about how sex is only right within the bonds of marriage and not something to be given away. We will stress that she is NOT to talk about this with other kids but that she may come to us with any questions that she has. Sex will not be a taboo topic in our family. That only makes it more interesting.

We will also talk about Zoe's two moms that was a discussion I decided to wait on having. I figured I would let her bring it up instead of making a big deal out of it. When I was at her school lunch last week she asked me how it is that Zoe has two moms (they were both there). I told her we would talk about that later and then forgot. I suppose "the talk" is as good a time as any to discuss that as well.

Will she look at me and her father differently? How can she not. Will she look at her brother and other boys differently? How can she not.

I see the end of innocent childhood coming.

It's kind of sad.

Happy Birthday to ME!

I had my birthday a few days ago and happily turned 32.  That number doesn't seem as big now as it did ten years ago, funny how that works. The celebration stretched out over three days and the best part for me is that I will get another "special" day in another couple of weeks. Let me explain.

My birthday has fallen on finals week for the past 7 years of Ryan's schooling(the end is in sight). He always feels bad about this because he wants to do everything for me and make it a big fancy special day. But he never has the time. Between finals and huge papers due, the end of the semester is a time crunch. I am not a needy girl and I understand his predicament. Aside from this year, he has never forgotten to get me a card. There have been a couple of years when he helped the kids to make me breakfast. I refuse to make my own birthday cake so I haven't had one. This year was a bit different.

Ryan and I had our usual Friday night date. My friend April swapped days with me so I could have a date on my birthday weekend instead of babysitting (thanks!). We went to dinner and I had a nasty pasta. I took two bits and lost my appetite. After that we went to the First Friday Art Trail. It's nice doing that together and not have the kids to look out for. Ryan let me pick out a new bracelet for my birthday but the lady didn't take debit and we don't carry cash. We ended up getting stranded far away from our car waiting for the trolley and were 30 minutes late picking up the kids. We got home and put the kids to bed. End of date. Ryan stayed up until 3am grading papers for the class he teaches.

My birthday morning was nice. Alana woke up screaming at 7:00am I jumped up to get her and Ryan followed and sent me back to bed. I didn't object. I slept for another hour and then got up to take the kids to the church Christmas breakfast with Santa. I was happy to find that Ryan was coming along. We all went in our pj's and gorged ourselves on muffins. It was fun. We went to Coldstone after and I picked out a raspberry-cheesecake ice cream cake for the Sunday dinner. The rest of the day was dealing with kids and laundry. Ryan got back to work.  I took McKenna to her friends birthday party that afternoon and Evan and Alana to the church nativity display. I was in a bad mood because Alana was making me CRAZY. I knew that I would feel the spirit looking at 350 nativities from around the world so we went. She was amazingly well behaved. I held her the whole time so she didn't touch anything and she actually let me (I call that a small miracle). Evan and I had so much fun pointing out our favorite ones and talking about Jesus. Later when we were home and I was getting Evan ready for bed I told him to pick out a book for me to read to him. I said, "It's my birthday and I want to read a book to my baby". He looked at me and said, "Don't you want to do something funner than that?". I smiled, and we played Candyland and Chutes and Ladders with McKenna. It was "funner" than reading a story.

Sunday was the usual Ryan working and me handling things. I prepared my lesson, cooked some beans for dinner, cleaned and got the kids ready for church. Church was great. Ryan handled Alana which is a full time job and I got to focus on our class and the lesson. I really enjoyed teaching this week and it made me sad that the year is almost over. I don't want a new class I want to keep the one I have. I feel that we finally have a good thing going and I don't want to start all over again. Guess we'll see what happens.

Sunday dinner was great. Everyone sang to me and I blew out my candle. It was sweet. I was teased about being old and all around loved. It was perfect.

Ryan wants to give me a proper day off once school ends for the semester. I know it will be lovely. I had a great birthday weekend full of adventure, food, kids and love. I'll take it.

I love this picture so I had to include it.

Don't mind all the typos. My husband was not around today to proof read this for me. Sorry

Lunch With My Little Lady

 McKenna's school had a parents holiday lunch. Ryan was unable to attend because he was teaching his class at that time. But one of the perks of being a stay-at-home mom is that I can always attend. I had to get a sitter for the younger kids, but there is always a friend around willing to help out (thanks Becky).

As you can see from the photo the lunch consisted of turkey gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, peas, a roll and a cookie. The turkey and the peas were good everything else was pretty underwhelming. I paid $2.75 for my meal and cleaned my plate. McKenna only ate her peas and roll. I couldn't bring myself to be upset about that.

I came in the cafeteria right as she was getting her food. She was worried that I would not make it, so she was double excited when she saw me. She had so much fun showing me how to get the food and where to sit. She introduced me to her friends and told me about her day so far. She was so sweet not wanting me to leave at the end of lunch. She clung to my hand as we walked down the hall to her class room and gave me a big hug when it was time to part.

I loved every minute of my lunch with McKenna.

When it Rains.....

It is said that bad things come in threes. My current set has been spread out over the last six months so, I suppose technically this cliche may not apply. But, since I paid for them all today, I am claiming an exception.

#1 Cracked Windshield

Our faithful Toyota Camry got a tiny chip on the lower driver's side corner about 3 years ago. We didn't even know it was there until the crack started creeping across the bottom. It was very slow moving and was low enough not to be in the way - until 4 months ago. For some unexplained reason a new crack emerged out of the same chip and headed straight up and across our line of sight. It made its way across the whole window and sealed its fate. With that crack so high there was no way it would pass state inspection in January. So like it or not we needed to replace it before the end of the year.

#2 New Van Tires

I am pretty sure I recall my father telling me, twenty months ago when he walked me through my new/used van, that it needed new tires soon. I managed to put that bit of info out of my brain. I heard it again from the oil change guy when he rotated them for me last spring. I finally got the hint when I had to take the van in for a broken door last month (sliding door wouldn't latch. Fixed in a couple of days for a reasonable price - moved on). While ringing me up the salesman nicely pointed out that I REALLY needed new tires. They were in bad shape and I shouldn't take any road trips until they are replaced. Ironically, I had just arrived home from the 3-day, 430 mile trip to New Mexico I took with Rose and all the kids. I instantly gave thanks that the trip went off without a flat. He was nice enough to include a tire quote with my receipt. I have gingerly driven around town since, constantly checking my tires, expecting to find one flat. Thankfully that never happened.

#3 Busted Back Window

Ryan called me yesterday to inform me that when he went out to move the Camry from two hour parking, he found a shattered back window. Lovely. Who knows how it happened, car kicked a rock, kid threw a rock - I suppose I really doesn't matter. What matters is that we need to replace it and insurance is not going to pay for it.

So there you have it, my three deep stabs to the check book. I called around for quite awhile yesterday and I feel that I got the best pricing possible. Ryan and I juggled the car and the van and managed to have them both repaired and picked up both kids from school on time. I feel good about how today went and the service I received for the tires and windows. I would gladly recommend them both to anyone (Lubbock Auto Glass, Scoggin-Dicky Parts and Service).

The safety and security that the tires and windows will bring will be worth it. It's just painful to spend $797.77 in one day and not really have anything fun or exciting to show for it.

Lazy Vacation Days....Awesome!

I dedicate the awesomeness of the Thanksgiving vacation to my loving husband.

A couple of days before school let out I asked Ryan for "one day". I just needed one day of child free noise were I could be in my own home and do whatever I wanted without my kids constantly at me for something. I realize that sounds totally whiny, but any mother will tell you after 12 weeks of carpool, homework and activities -  mama needs a vacation too. It wouldn't be so bad if my family situation was ideal or even normal, but with Ryan being in grad school he can't clock out at 5:00 and be done for the day. He often works far into the night and requires me to keep the kids out of the office and out of his way. Now don't get me wrong, Ryan is a very involved father. - at least as involved as his work will allow him to be. He eats dinner with us every night and we all talk about our days. He sometimes helps with bedtime and then we have scripture reading and family prayers. He makes sure to spend one-on-one time with the kids and is very free with his hugs and kisses. The kids know that if they need some Daddy time that they can go and see him in the office anytime they want. He will always stop whatever he is working on in order to help them with anything. He's pretty good like that.

It's inevitable that I would feel the stress of his deadlines and feel that I need to do whatever I can to handle everything on the home front by myself. I do my best to do just that. It gets to be a lot over time and I occasionally need a break. I asked for my one day.  I didn't get it. I got something far better instead - a glimpse into my future - a future where Ryan no longer has school work and is fully at home when he is at home. I got to see how nice it will be to have a two-parent home.

I had a lot of cooking to do on Wednesday and Ryan took care of the kids the whole time.  We went to the gym and he did a spinning class with me (so fun). On Thursday he, again, took care of the kids while I cooked. We had Thanksgiving at our friends the Thomases and there was no need to hurry home so he could work. Friday was spent blissfully in bed watching TV and being lazy all day. It was great just spending time together like there was no other care in the world (I didn't get out of my pj's the whole day). Saturday we went to the gym together again and spent the afternoon watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. That evening Ryan went to a football game and our Sunday was business as usual.

Friday morning Ryan did ask me if I wanted my day off, but I was good. I was enjoying being a stress free family so much I no longer needed to have a day alone to recover. I long for the day when this can be my life all the time, or at least more often.

Just in case you didn't pick up on it, I REALLY love my husband. I'm a lucky gal.

Nasty Woman

I commented on my sister-in-law's blog post the other day about how I have a mean nasty woman living in my head. The comment went like this:

I have one of those nasty women in my head as well. She has been having the same conversation with me. Mine goes something like this: Sarah you are so selfish spending 6 hours a week at the gym. Putting your daughter in a daycare, neglecting your house, and getting behind on Christmas projects are only a few of the balls you are dropping. And for what? Your not getting skinnier in fact you have gained weight! You truly are pathetic.

I don't like that woman. I am working on getting her to shut up.

After leaving this comment I had a good conversation with myself and I have figured some things out. For starters the weight gain has reversed and is heading in the right direction, down. It took several weeks of really working out hard before I saw any smaller numbers on the scale. In fact, I had my break through this morning. I have been gauging my progress based on the scale and how my jeans fit, thanks to some admiring compliments from my husband I realize that things are changing. I just need to give it more time.

I have noticed some changes in other parts of my life as well. I am far more productive. I don't know if it's because I have more energy or that I have to be organized, probably both. I feel great. I am tired at the end of day but I am not physically exhausted. When my alarm goes off I am ready to wakeup and not pushing "sleep" one more time.

I realized that if I wanted to devote 6 (or more) hours a week to working out then I needed to be really organized in order to get everything done. I am working from the time I get up until I put the kids to bed (sometimes later). In months past I would have spent time on the couch watching TV or reading a book. Instead I am cleaning my kitchen and teaching my son. My house is cleaner now then it has been in the past. I still feel guilty for not doing more, but what mother doesn't.

It has taken several weeks for me to find my groove, too feel like it is worth it. I know now that it is. I am excited to see what other positive changes happen now that I am putting my self first. :)

Honor Roll, Soccer, and Poop

My kids have all had some big things happen lately and since I can't seem to find the time to blog as much as I would like I will tell all three stories in one post. Plus, they are not very long stories.

McKenna had her second-six-week award ceremony. (It seems a bit over kill to have an awards ceremony every six weeks but what do I know.) I didn't make it to the first one so she asked that I come to this one, so I did. Thankfully they are only 30 minutes long. McKenna got a certificate for being on the straight A honor roll and another for being a "Remarkable Ram" (school mascot). She earned her Remarkable Ram for being so well behaved in the halls and lunch. She got to go to a party in the principal's office last week. After receiving her award the Principal asked her to tell everyone what she did at the party. She gladly announced, "I watched Wally and ate popcorn the whole time". I was very cute.

Evan has now wrapped up the soccer season. All-in-all it was a good experience for everyone. It was our first time doing any kind of sport and I think soccer was the right choice. The season started out shaky. He cried during the first two practices because he never got to kick the ball. He wasn't used the crowd of kids getting in his way. He informed me that it wasn't fair that they didn't take turns. That was our first lesson in real world sports. It wasn't to much later that he kind of gave up. He always ran with everyone else but he no longer tried to get to the ball. I knew my son was a follower and not a leader. It was very obvious while he played soccer. I would like him to try t-ball in the spring but I am not sure that Evan will have the focus for that, or the coordination. Guess we'll see.

Alana had a taste of potty training this week. She has been telling me for a while now when she needs her diaper changed. Since she is only 20 months old potty training had not crossed my mind - until she found the training potty. It's been under the kid's bathroom sink and when Alana discovered it we pulled it out. On a whim yesterday I hurried and put her on it when she gave me the "sign" that she was about poo. She didn't resist but didn't seem to know what she was supposed to do. After a couple of minutes we heard the clunk of pebbles hitting hard plastic. She franticly looked around to figure out what the noise was. I helped her up and showed her what she had done. She was TERR-I-FIED. She refused to sit back down again and wanted nothing to do with flushing it. I cheered and clapped and told her what a good girl she was, but nothing put a smile on her face. Turns out it scared the rest of the poo right back up, it was an hour before we was able to finish her business. I fear this may have put off potty training for some time.

The Blog That Has Changed Me

I was directed to a blog by another woman in my church. It is a painful one to read but the spirit that I feel when reading it is so worth it.

This blog follows a typical young LDS family. The mother is 22 the father is 24. They have been married for three years. This summer they lost their baby girl when she fell into a canal and drowned. She was revived and battled for seven days before passing away. The story that has emerged from this heartbreaking tragedy is proof of Gods love and compassion for his children.

I am not very good with words. So it is difficult for me to truly express the way I feel. But I can tell you that when I read the words written by this amazing woman I feel Gods love. I not only feel how much he loves the grieving family, but I feel how much he loves me. This blog has inspired me to get myself together and focus on my testimony and my relationship with my Savior. I know that only through Him can I have complete happiness.

To read the story of the Sullenger family start here. Once you have read the overview please continue on to here. Over on the right side there is a list of posts that tell Preslee's story. Once you have read those I recommend that you read all the posts in order from her death until current. Have a box of tissues and be prepared to feel the spirit of  God. You will not regret taking the time to read this amazing story with a cast of amazing people.

I would love to here what you thought and felt. Please leave a comment if you read it.

To Work or Not to Work Part 3

I thought I would be done after my last post, but I find that I can't get the topic out of my brain. It seems that I have more to say, then I promise to shut-up. :)


First off I don't think I expressed my gratitude for working mothers. I realize that not all women want to stay at home. 


I fully understand the attraction of having a career. I graduated from college and worked full time as a Project Assistant for a research project. I did that job for two years before McKenna was born. I was really good at it and I enjoyed the work very much. I struggled with the choice of whether to stay home with her or to work again. That is, I struggled until she was born and then the choice was easily made. I couldn't bring myself to leave her. Not even for good money that we really needed. Maybe it was selfish on my part to stay home. But I feel that I made the right choice, then and now.


I know there are plenty of women who find themselves in a position of needing to work. Whether they are widowed, single, divorced, or simply need to work in order to maintain a good lifestyle, they are working. I am sure that there are times when they are made to feel guilty for not staying home and choosing instead to have a career. In our society there is no right choice. There is only personal preference. Unfortunately, there are those that think they have the only right answer and that makes them superior. I don't believe there is one right answer.


I have one dear friend who found herself widowed at 29 with 3 very young children. She was a stay-at-home mother forced into a position of having to work full time. She is currently back at school.


I have another friend who adopted her daughter while in the middle of a PhD program. She was put into the position of needing to choose whether to quit the program and stay home or to continue and get her doctorate. She chose to finish school. I think she made the right choice. 


I have a sister who has worked full time through two pregnancies and her husband is a stay-at-home dad. This is not what either of them want, but it is what the situation demands at this point.


There are also many women who do stay at home but also need to make some extra money.


I have another sister who's husband makes a good living, but she needs to work for herself. She babysits and runs her "toy" business. She finds gratification in making her own money and contributing to the household.


Every mother has different circumstances and only she can know what is right for her and her children. Thank you to those who have commented on my recent posts. I found them very encouraging and sweet. My friends and family mean a lot to me.


For those who are interested I read an article that lists the 100 Best Companies for working mothers.

 Ok, I'm done now.

To Work or Not to Work Part 2

I recently attended a bachelorette party.

My sister Rose is a sales-woman - has been her whole life. Currently she is selling "adult toys" (yes, we have some. Yes, I will recommend some if you want me too.... privately). I had arranged for my good friend (from Ryan's department) to host a party for my sister when she visited me. It happened to perfectly line up with a bachelorette party she was throwing for one of the girls in the psych department.

The party was good fun and everyone, except Rose and me, were pretty drunk by the end of the night.  When Rose and I were cleaning up and everyone but the two hostesses and the bachelorette herself were left, the question was posed, "Who is older, you or Rose?".  I asked her to guess. She looked us both over and then said, "Rose". This made us giggle and I teased Rose. Then I asked the bachelorette what made her choose Rose. This was roughly her reply, "Well she (Rose) has a business and she's all outgoing and you....you're just Ryan's wife, and Ryan's wife, and Ryan's wife" (mindlessly repeating). She went on to say more embarrassing drunk things before her friend cut her off. But by that time the damage had been done. Whether she was drunk or not it was kind of hard not to be a little hurt. 

When we first came to Lubbock to interview for the program there was a mingling party. We have gone to this party every year since and to several others. It's extremely intimidating to be in a room full of women who either have a PhD or are on their way to getting one. These are the kind of women who have careers. They are not stay-at-home mothers, and the majority of them look down upon women like me who choose to be one. I have, on several occasions, been made to feel like I am less because I do not work. I have toughened up over the last three years and comments that would have bothered me before are quickly forgotten.

So why do I choose not to work.

The simple answer is, I don't have to. My husband has never wanted me to have to work. We have made many sacrifices so that I could stay at home and raise our babies. If I really, really wanted to I could have gotten a job at any point and Ryan would have supported me. But at this point in my children's lives I WANT to stay home.

Unfortunately, sometimes the needs of the wallet outweigh the needs of the heart. I have struggled, at times, with whether or not I should be at home and not working. I have even gone as far as starting an online medical transcription program. It was a great program and I really loved the work. It felt great to be learning something new. I had something that was just mine and I was really good at it. But everyone else in my house needed me - all the time. I couldn't find the time to work. Evan was watching too many cartoons, the house was a mess, I was pregnant with Alana and sick, and no one would leave me alone so I could work. It was incredibly frustrating. I knew that it would only be worse once the baby came, so I quit. It was embarrassing and I felt like a failure, but I knew I was doing the right thing for my family. I needed to be there 100% to support my husband while he went to school. I needed to spend my days without getting stressed about school work and then taking it out on my kids. I needed to be a wife and mother.

I have dabbled in other money-making ventures. I spent a summer watching my friend's baby. She paid me handsomely and it was a good experience. It made me grateful that I never had twins. Her baby is the same age as Alana and they were 4 months old. I realized that I never would have succeeded at having a daycare in my home.

I have donated plasma for money and sold many hair bows. I considered starting a hair bow business and selling online. That would have required more time and money than I was willing to give up.

I am educated. I am capable. I am a hard worker. I learn fast and I am great with people. I make a fantastic sugar cookie. I am a mother. I am very, very proud to be "Ryan's wife".  Currently, I manage a household and while the job doesn't pay much the benefits far outweigh any amount of money I could make elsewhere.

Someday when all my babies are grown I will change my profession, perhaps....fitness instructor?

To Work or Not to Work Part 1

My sister-in-law wrote a post on her blog that really got my mind running. She wrote about the dilemma of wanting to stay at home with the children but also feeling the need to work. I feel personally connected to this topic, as I think every mother out there has.

My personal struggle with this topic is seven-years-old (as old as my eldest child), but I know that I was affected by it as a child as well. My mother had to go through this (again, every mother does). She worked on and off while I was really small. I hated it. I can still vividly recall the way I felt when she dropped me off at the babysitter's house. I cried and felt abandoned. I also vividly remember how excited and relieved I was when my mother came to pick me up. I am sure I didn't make it easy for her.  That's probably why she didn't work for long.

Once we moved into a bigger house my mother started a daycare in our home. I liked this very much. I loved that she was there when I got home from school.

After a few years she went back to school. I remember thinking that she was amazing and so smart. She devoted a lot of time to her school work and she got straight A's. After her first year of college my father was laid off. He moved to another city (four hours away) and went to school himself. She was left alone with four kids, no income, and one more year of school to finish. To this day I don't know how she did it. If I think about it for too long I feel anger toward my father. I wonder if he really understood the position he was putting my mom in. It's all in the past now and everything ended up really good. But I think that if my mother had not been the strong, independent, resourceful woman she is, then our family could have ended up with a very different outcome.

She went to work full-time once she graduated (I was so proud of her). She was still a single mother for a few years. My father worked temporary/traveling jobs until he could find something permanent. During all this time I never felt sorry for myself because my mother worked. I was partially aware of how hard things were. My parents did the best they could to keep us kids in the dark, so we could go on living our self-absorbed teenage lives. I was working two jobs myself at this time so I could buy gas/car insurance and clothes. I knew not to go to Mom for money.

My junior year of high school my father finally put his foot down and accepted the 3rd permanent job he was offered (My sisters and I put up such a fight about moving the first two times that he gave in to us.) We moved to Morenci, AZ in the middle of the school year. My mother did not come with us. That was the first time I really felt that she put her job before her kids. So there we were, living in a small 3-bedroom house (major downsize) with our father, who we had not lived with on a permanent basis for years, and Mom stayed behind to work. I think she partially did this to get back at my father and make him be the single parent for a while. That's not what happened. As the oldest (17), I was expected to take care of the house and younger sisters (15,13,9). I cooked, cleaned, babysat, grocery shopped, got everyone off to school and home again, I even paid the bills. If anyone got a life lesson it was me. My grandmother came to the rescue and lived with us for a while and I got to be a teenager again.

After six months we moved to Craig, Colorado. My mother was given the opportunity to manage her own store and she wasn't going to turn it down. So for the second time I felt that she was putting her job before her kids. My father soon found a good job there as well. We moved, and the six of us lived in a two-bedroom apartment until we bought a huge five-bedroom house six months later. My parents still live in Craig and have the same jobs. They are very happy.

There were times when I was bitter about the choices my mother made - and as a child I was unable to see the big picture. I only cared about how it was affecting me. As I look back on that year of two moves and huge responsibility, I can honestly say it was the best thing that ever happened to my family. The choices my parents made may have been a bit selfish at the time (or so I saw it), but those choices brought our family together in a way that never would have happened if they weren't focused on work. My sisters and I became friends. This especially holds true for Rose and me.  In the past we were nasty to each other - I mean REALLY nasty. Moving to a new town, twice, forced us to rely on each other.  She is now my best girlfriend in the world. I have my parents to thank for that.

My mother has accomplished a lot. She is a huge success at her job and has earned many awards.  She has also turned down promotions in order to stay in Craig. I love her dearly, and I see her as a good example of a mother who needed to find the balance between doing all she could for her kids and also needing to fulfill her own personal goals.

My next post will be about my personal struggle with this issue.

Trunk or Treat

Our church had their annual Trunk or Treat this week and we had a wonderful time. All three kids went around and got candy with Ryan while I stayed at the van and passed out candy to other kids. I enjoyed it very much. Seeing my primary (Sunday school) kids all dressed up was fun. They also got a kick out of seeing me in pigtails.

McKenna dressed up as a flapper, but really wanted to have paint on her face, so we did some pretty designs and added glitter. Some rude kid told her she looked funny and it made her cry and climb into the van. She didn't want to come out (Lucky for that kid she had no idea who he was so I couldn't go after him). We reassured her that she looked beautiful and that she shouldn't let some stupid boy ruin her Halloween night. She listened and had lots of fun.

Evan was an Army guy. I suppose that is obvious. He looked really great and got lots of compliments on the makeup. Ryan had fun putting the paint on. Evan also had fun and ate way too much candy.

Alana was so cute!! She, of course, wanted to eat every piece of candy that was put into her bag, as soon as it was put in. She got loads of oooh's and awww's. She was the only giraffe there and that was special. She wore the same costume that I bought for McKenna at that age. McKenna got really sick her first Halloween and didn't get to go out (I was super bummed, as that was my first Halloween as a Mom with an old enough kid). Evan wore it when he was that size and looked adorable. So it has been fun for me to have it for all the kids. I suppose now I will pass it on to a nephew or something.

I dress up every year. I am always the same thing. A little girl. It's easy and comfortable and free. Plus I get to wear some of the cute hair bows that I make for my girls. That's the real motivation.

In the nine years that Ryan and I have been married this is the first time he has ever dressed up. I loved that he chose to dress up. I never even asked, he did it all on his own. So, that made it even better. I love a man in mountain gear.

With Halloween falling on a Sunday this year we will not Trick or Treat. The kids got plenty of candy at the church activity and we have a few family things that we are going to do instead. My kids are so wonderful and I didn't have any argument from them when I explained what we were going to do. They understand the importance of keeping the Sabbath day holy and that we are teaching them to do right in the eyes of God. I feel so lucky to have them. They are great kids.

Just for fun. This is Evan in the giraffe costume. He was 14 months old.

My New Commitment

I am going to interrupt the memory-lane-photo-posts and discuss my newest mission.

I go to the gym at least 2 days a week. I go on Monday and Friday for my favorite class called Ultimate Workout. The instructor's name is Sandi and she kicks butt! The class is strength training with a bit of cardio mixed in. I have been attending her class for four months and have seen great progress.  There where times in the beginning when I couldn't walk for days after the class, so I knew that good things were happening. These days I am sore but easily able to work out again the next day. I managed to lose 7lbs since joining the gym in May. But in the last 4 weeks I have gotten lazy. I am eating bad and not pushing myself as hard in the classes (when I actually make it). I have gained a solid 5lbs back (not the muscle kind) and I am not happy with myself for it.

Sandi offered the class free fitness assessments (she is also a personal trainer) and I took her up on it. I needed some new motivation and information to get myself out of this hole I am digging. I got it. Because, apparently, I am fatter than I appear. That or we has a society have excepted a size 8 as skinny for so long that we don't realize that a size 8 still means 40lbs of fat. For me is does anyway. At 5'5'' I should not weight 147lbs. I don't feel fat. In fact I have thought many times that if I stay this weight forever I would be ok with that. I wouldn't love it, but I would be ok.

I don't think that anymore.

I got the motivation I needed.

I want to lose 15-20lbs.

My husband is buying me (he doesn't know it yet) a fancy heart monitor watch that will also tell me now many calories I am burning. I am going to start writing down what I eat. I am still going to allow myself some yummy stuff but in way more moderation.  I am going to workout harder, two hours three days a week. I want to work up to five days.

I will be a different woman when family sees me next summer.

I AM going to do this!

Alien Photos

 One day this last summer Rose and I were talking about Roswell and the fun alien things there. I mentioned that it was 2.5 hours from my house and she responded "We should go there sometime. It sounds like so much fun". That is usually something that is said but never realized.

I made it happen.

We drove up to Roswell, NM on a Saturday and spent the whole evening walking around down town and looking at all the novelty gift shops. It was SO much fun. The kids had a blast looking at all the alien toys and T-shirts. We went to a store called Area 51. They had several "scenes" created so people could pose with the aliens.  We took lots of pictures.

For dinner we HAD to eat at the flying saucer McDonald's it even had a space themed park. It was a great time.

McKenna made a face in every photo

Just hanging out

Well...I had to jump in for some fun also.

BBQ at alien Joe's house

Evan in the control center

The coolest McDonalds ever

Spaceship park at McD's

Rose and I went to the gym.

One of the fun things they have there for the kids is the Spider Climb. It's seven layers of woven straps over a trampoline. This kids love it and it's a must every time we go. McKenna has never made it to the top (she gets scared) but Evan shoots up there every time. Of course hanging upside down is always a good time.
The botton two shots are my niece Akyra. Evan is in the top left and McKenna is in the top right. I took that picture of McKenna while lying on the trampoline and facing up to her. It was fun.

The Drive-in with Six Kids

For the next few posts I will relay some of the many things that Rose and I did with our kids during her visit. We had so much fun.

One one of the nights we all (everyone but Ryan) went to the drive-in. This is one thing I really wanted to do with them. As I have stated in the past, I love the drive-in. This was a must share. I was pretty worried that when she got here there would not be any kid movies playing. We got lucky and she came just in time for the last week of Legend of the Guardian: The Owls of Ga'Hoole. This movie was AWFUL. I don't recommend it to anyone. Even the kids got bored with it. Either way it was fun to have the experience.

We went early enough for the kids to play at the park before we settled in for the movie. They had lots of fun and were not very happy when I told them it was time to go over to the cars.

We had turned both cars around and opened the backs. The kids piled up blankets and pillows. Once the movie started I passed out the popcorn and tried to settle in. Unfortunately, the babies had other plans. Jayden and Alana were not in the mood to sit still or go to sleep. They were up and down and switching cars.  Rose and I didn't get to watch the movie at all (not that we wanted to). Once that nightmare was over we strapped the babies into their car seats and made them to go sleep. We closed up Rose's car and put a cartoon on the DVD player. All the kids were distracted and leaving us alone so we could watch the next movie. It was Easy A. A silly, funny movie and not appropriate for kids. It was really nice to just sit and watch a movie with my sis.

Time for Company

My life has gotten very busy in the last two weeks. I am currently entertaining my sister Rose and her three kids. So in-addition to my normal busy life I spent last week cleaning my house one room at a time (except the office, its too scary in there). I cleaned closets, organized toys, cleared off counters, washed, dusted, laundered, scrubbed and vacuumed until I was satisfied with my house.

I didn't need to do all this. Rose is my BFF and she could careless if my house is clean. In fact she told me not to spend the time cleaning on her account. I did anyway. I knew that the only way to keep my sanity in this small apartment, with four more people, for ten days, was to start out as clean and organized a possible. Plus the place needed a bit of attention anyway so no harm done.

Upon arriving at my house, Rose walked all around and stopped on front of the office door, observed the outrageously embarrassing mess, hugged me and dramatically announced "Sarah it warms my heart to see this room. You really are human. This makes me so happy. I like you much better now." I have never claimed to be a great housekeeper apparently she got the impression that I was. Guess my "have it all together" status is changed to "just like the rest of us". I would much rather be in the "just like the rest of us" category. Less chance of disappointing people.

We have managed the house pretty well so far. We make the kids clean up the toys every night and Rose and I clean the living room and kitchen every night. I hate waking up to stress inducing chaos.

Ryan asked me if having three more kids and Rose here was more, less or about he same stress level (yes, my husband shrikes me. But, I'm good with it) a everyday life. I thought about it and decided it's a little more only because there is more noise. I can't handle loud kids for very long. But at the same time having Rose here makes things a bit easier as well because I know that she is looking out for my kids as much as I am looking out for hers. We can discipline each others kids and there isn't that awkward "You can't talk to my kid that way".

We're tight like that.

Walking For Boobs

Our first (of many to come) family charity walks went pretty well. Alana was a pill, but that is par for the course these days. Evan didn't complain of being too tired of walking (a welcome change).  In fact, he wanted to run. I was very happy about the running part. Unfortunately the crowd was so thick that running was not an option. In the future I would like to run the 1 mile with the kids, but strollers are not allowed to run.  So it will have to wait until Alana is older. I was totally jealous watching all the runners come in while I walked, very slowly. I don't regret walking with the kids though. It was a good experience for them and it gave us a chance to talk about cancer and taking care of ourselves.  While Ryan ran the 5k this year, it's his turn to take the kids next year.  5k here I come!


Evan wasn't getting the whole pink thing. When we got dressed that morning I tried to get him to wear a pink hat or socks. He laughed in my face and said "No thanks Mom. I'm good." He called Ryan a "girl" because he was wearing a pink shirt and some of my pink polka-dot socks (he got lots of complements on them). Ryan convinced him that wearing a bandanna like a pirate would be cool. Evan gave in, but informed Ryan that a pirate would NEVER wear a pink bandanna. 


McKenna, of course, loved getting all pinked out. From a pink hair bow to pink shoes, she had it all going on. Her favorite part was the opening ceremony when they had all the survivors release a balloon. It was great to see hundreds of pink balloons floating up into the air. I'm sure the environmentalists were cringing at the sight, but the kids loved it. 


As I was enjoying the experience I spent some time thinking about the people I have known who have had to battle cancer. My Aunt Joan Couch is the only person I have personally known who had breast cancer. It was probably 20 years ago. I was old enough to know that she had a mastectomy on one side but too young to know any details. Her daughter Donna later found a lump but it didn't turn out to be cancer (thank goodness). It has alway stuck with me and I developed a fear of breast cancer early.


I thought about my paternal grandmother, Mildred Jones. She did not die of cancer but she battled and beat pancreatic cancer. This also happened when I was kid. In fact my parents never talked to me about it at all. I found out years later after she had passed away.


I thought about our friend Levi Wilmott who died of a rare bone cancer in 2007. He was 27 years old and left a wife and 3 babies. His death still leaves a big hole for Ryan.


Then, of course, I thought of my own Mother-in-law Priscilla Graham. She passed away from colon cancer in 2006.


It would be hard to find anyone who has not been affected by cancer in one way or another. The fear of one's body betraying them is ever present. Because when it comes down to it, there is really no way to prevent cancer and it can strike anyone at any point in life. I learned this hard truth from my dear friend Levi.

Evan's Family Tree

Evan and I worked on his school project today. He has show-and-tell every Friday and they are assigned different things each week.

The first week he needed to bring something that started with the letter "M". That was the letter they were focusing on that week. Evan chose to bring a stuffed Bigfoot and call it a monster for the "M". He got double "M" because he could say that we got it at a museum. He was very proud of that.

On the second week he needed to bring a "taste". One bite of something (cereal, chip, candy, etc.) for each kid in the class to eat. They were learning about our five senses and taste was the show-and-tell that week. Evan brought pretzels.

We are now into the third week and the class has been talking about how every family is different. So we have been given the assignment to build our family tree. This was a lot of fun for both of us to do together. Evan has a very low tolerance for crafty projects. But, as he gets older, he seems to be able to focus on them for longer periods of time. He cut out all the leaves and did all the gluing. I didn't trust him to cut out the pictures. I didn't want to print more and waste the printer ink (it's really low as it is). He really wanted to include all his aunts, uncles and cousins, but I had to convince him that we simply didn't have enough room on the tree. So, sorry family, we will try and work you in next time.

I will admit though, doing this project made me homesick for family. Sniff. Miss you guys!

Family Pictures

We got our family pictures taken  a couple of nights ago. It was....ok. I loved the photographer I think she did a good job and put up with us well. I was not so pleased the my younger two.

Evan was totally uninterested unless he had Heather's (photographer) full attention. He wanted to get his picture taken but he didn't want anyone else in his shot. He was not paying attention in just about every single family shot.

Alana was awful. She would not sit down, be held or smile for Heather. All she wanted to do was run and play with her Minnie Mouse. We got some good candid shots and lots of personality out of all the kids but I would have like just one family photo when everyone was looking at the camera and smiling.

McKenna was a dream. She loves to pose for cameras and had a really fun time when it was her turn to get single shots. She looked so beautiful in her green dress. We based what everyone else was wearing off this dress. I loved it.

Ryan did good. I think he is improving with practice. He has a lot of really good photos this year.

If you want to get a glimpse of how they turned out go to Heather's blog. I will be getting a CD from her with all the photos in a couple of weeks. I will be putting more in my blog at that time.

Mama's New Hair

I really like this photo. Good profile 

I got myself some new hair. Well, I changed the old hair a bit. I was getting bored with my plain brown hair and wanted to do something different. I knew I didn't want to cut it off. I am actually enjoying having it really long (which totally surprised me). I swore after I got my super long hair cut off four years ago that I would never have it long again. But, after I got a really atrocious hair cut after moving to TX I haven't cut it short since. I have been growing out the bad hair cut ever since.

I have gotten a lot of complements (but don't we always complement someones new hair, even if it's bad) and my kids love it. Ryan hasn't complained so I guess he likes it, too.

I am really happy with the red. I know it will fade and eventually it will be boring brown again. But, until then I am rockin the red.

I Am So Lame

This past week has been a struggle. I have had thoughts running through my head constantly - trying to think of something I can blog about. I have not intentionally avoided posting anything.  I just can't think of anything worth writing about.

I spent this week feeling exhausted. I blame it on not being able to workout. I tweaked something in my foot and it was difficult for me to walk for a few days. I didn't want to risk making it worse by running or going to my classes. It's been surprisingly difficult NOT to workout. I have come to love it.  So I think it depressed me a little when I couldn't go anymore. My foot is feeling better, so I think I will make it in on Monday.

My house is a total disaster. My hurt foot, coupled with feeling exhausted, did not a good housekeeper make. This only added to my depressed mood.  Just looking at all the mess makes me want to sit down and turn on the TV.

I did manage to scrub the bathtub, but that was only after Alana decided it would be funny to poop in it during her bath. I should have known it was coming. First she farted. The bubbles coming up between her legs were very interesting to her. She pointed them out to me and then laughed looking for more. At this point McKenna walked in and had me brush out her hair. When I turned around again there was a tub full of poo. Not the solid-easy-to-scoop kind but the runny/chunky kind that quickly spread throughout and infiltrated every toy in the tub.

"Nooooo! Ryan get in here now! I need your help!"

He swooped up the poo child and washed her in our bathroom while I proceeded to clean the tub. Thank goodness for rubber gloves and Lysol.

The rest of the house will have to wait. It's Sunday and I have a primary lesson to prepare and church to get ready for.

Hopefully I will emerge from my funk and get on with life this week. That's the plan anyhow.

Race for the Cure

McKenna, Evan and I are participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this year. This is something that I have been interested in doing in the past, but my lazy nature did not allow. Since running my first 5k in March I have been itching to get out there more. It really is addictive (strange I know). I will not be able to run the 5k like I would like to. Ryan is already running it with a team from the cancer center. So I will be walking the 1 mile with the kids. I figure it is good for them to get out and feel apart of something. This is how I hope to raise runners.

If you are interested in sponsoring me or any of my kids your are welcome to proceed to this site.

McKenna's Audition Video

McKenna auditioned for a club called Destination Imagination or DI for short. I honestly don't know exactly what this club involves. McKenna's teacher is the coach and really pushed for McKenna to try out. I guess starting in third grade schools compete with each other doing skits and creating things out of random stuff (that's where the imagination part comes in). Second grade is when the kids start being groomed for next year.

McKenna needed to perform something in front of the judges to audition. Some kids danced, some sang a song. McKenna recited a poem. She used props and gestures. She impressed the judges so much that memorizing and reciting poetry is now going to be a DI monthly requirement. It's really no surprise that she got in. As you can see from the video she is too cute to turn away.

My Testimony of Tithing

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. One of the commandments we follow is the paying of tithes. That means giving the church 10% of the income we earn. To some this may seem wrong, that we are expected to pay this money in order to stay in good standing with the church. To me, it just makes sense. We are taught that if we willingly give our tithing and have faith we will be blessed for it. In a talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland (an apostle), he recounts this story:

After she lost her husband in the martyrdom at Nauvoo and made her way west with five fatherless children, Mary Fielding Smith continued in her poverty to pay tithing. When someone at the tithing office inappropriately suggested one day that she should not contribute a tenth of the only potatoes she had been able to raise that year, she cried out to the man, “William, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Would you deny me a blessing? If I did not pay my tithing, I should expect the Lord to withhold His blessings from me. I pay my tithing, not only because it is a law of God, but because I expect a blessing by doing it. [I need a blessing.] By keeping this and other laws, I expect to … be able to provide for my family." 

Here is my testimony (one of many instances) of how my family is provided for, because Ryan and I are faithful tithe payers.

As I previously stated in my post titled Blood Money, August was really tough financially. We depleted our savings, donated plasma and still ended up using the credit card just to survive the month. We expected the money to come pouring in once September hit. We were expecting a paycheck from Ryan's summer work, a paycheck from the Army, plus the leftover financial aid once tuition and fees were paid for by the scholarship.  All totaled it would be a good amount of money.

We already know from previous experience that the military is full of paperwork and delays. We got a nasty reminder of that this month. The Army paycheck did not come through. Apparently the recruiter entered our account number wrong so they won't pay us until it is resubmitted. He also didn't get everything right with the scholarship. There has never been any money paid to the university on Ryan's behalf. The school had no idea what Ryan was talking about when he inquired about it - they had never heard of the scholarship or the system used to pay it.  I really want to give the recruiter a piece of my mind.  But, of course, he retired last month so I can't get to him. Someone else in that office will have to fix the problem.

We did get the summer paycheck but it went quickly (it was not very big). At my last desperate moment I called my Mom and had to borrow money so I could  pay my mid-month bills. I knew we would make it through, somehow. I paid my tithing on that little paycheck so things had to work out. I had faith and I prayed.

I kid you not, two days after having to borrow money from my parents. Ryan got an email from the school saying that they failed to apply some of his fee waivers and they were depositing $1,600.00 into his checking account. WOW! I knew I would be blessed, but this is beyond what I could have expected. I feel overwhelmed with love and gratitude towards my Father in Heaven. He knew we were in trouble, he heard our prayers, and we were blessed, in abundance.

I am not saying that every time I come into a money pinch I will be handed a huge amount of money from an unexpected source. But I am saying that I will be provided for one way or another. This I can testify!

If you want to read a really good talk by President James F. Faust on tithing continue on to this site.

A Service After All

Ryan found out from Mr. B's family that a service was planned after all.

The family was at his place Sunday night getting more stuff. Ryan just happened to be taking out the trash and saw them. The sister called out to him and asked if I was still collecting his mail. Ryan directed her to the office and asked about a memorial service. She told him that they were having one on Tuesday at 10:00am at Griffin funeral home. It's sad, but I didn't believe her. I checked the obituaries - nothing. So I called the funeral home and found out that they were having a graveside service at that time. Nothing was being held at the funeral home itself. Glad I called.

I arranged for my friend Tara (Thanks!) to watch Alana so I could go kid free. I arrived a little late because I got really lost (had to call Ryan and have him look it up and direct me there). I only caught the last 10 minutes. That means if they started on time then the entire thing was only 20 minutes long. At no point did anyone say anything about Royce. The preacher only talked about how Jesus can help us through this tough time. I don't disagree with that, but I would have liked to hear something about the man I came to honor. There were about 25 people there and I would say that five of us were dressed up. The remainder were in t-shirts and jeans. Just when I thought "this is not a very nice way to say goodbye to a family member" I realized that he was being buried in a cardboard box. I double checked, because I couldn't believe it. It was heavy-duty, but still cardboard. I know for a fact that Royce had money, so I don't believe that they couldn't have afforded a casket. Royce was always helping his family: giving them money, a place to stay, borrow the car - he was good to them. In the end, all they wanted was his money and big flat screen TV. It just makes me sad.

I did offer my condolences to his Mother. She is very old and the only nice one in the bunch. She talked to Royce on the phone every day (neither of his two sisters would ever bring her over to see him). She recognized me and knew who I was. Royce told her all about me. I know she is grateful for what I did for him. I honestly believe that she is the only one of his family who really loved him.

When the service was all over and I had a chance to reflect, I wished I hadn't known about it. I was left with bitter feelings toward his family - things that I had started to get past. I will move on just fine. But I have been taught a life lesson about greed and how nasty family can get when someone dies.

I am so thankful that I have the family that I do.