Nasty Woman

I commented on my sister-in-law's blog post the other day about how I have a mean nasty woman living in my head. The comment went like this:

I have one of those nasty women in my head as well. She has been having the same conversation with me. Mine goes something like this: Sarah you are so selfish spending 6 hours a week at the gym. Putting your daughter in a daycare, neglecting your house, and getting behind on Christmas projects are only a few of the balls you are dropping. And for what? Your not getting skinnier in fact you have gained weight! You truly are pathetic.

I don't like that woman. I am working on getting her to shut up.

After leaving this comment I had a good conversation with myself and I have figured some things out. For starters the weight gain has reversed and is heading in the right direction, down. It took several weeks of really working out hard before I saw any smaller numbers on the scale. In fact, I had my break through this morning. I have been gauging my progress based on the scale and how my jeans fit, thanks to some admiring compliments from my husband I realize that things are changing. I just need to give it more time.

I have noticed some changes in other parts of my life as well. I am far more productive. I don't know if it's because I have more energy or that I have to be organized, probably both. I feel great. I am tired at the end of day but I am not physically exhausted. When my alarm goes off I am ready to wakeup and not pushing "sleep" one more time.

I realized that if I wanted to devote 6 (or more) hours a week to working out then I needed to be really organized in order to get everything done. I am working from the time I get up until I put the kids to bed (sometimes later). In months past I would have spent time on the couch watching TV or reading a book. Instead I am cleaning my kitchen and teaching my son. My house is cleaner now then it has been in the past. I still feel guilty for not doing more, but what mother doesn't.

It has taken several weeks for me to find my groove, too feel like it is worth it. I know now that it is. I am excited to see what other positive changes happen now that I am putting my self first. :)