To Work or Not to Work Part 1

My sister-in-law wrote a post on her blog that really got my mind running. She wrote about the dilemma of wanting to stay at home with the children but also feeling the need to work. I feel personally connected to this topic, as I think every mother out there has.

My personal struggle with this topic is seven-years-old (as old as my eldest child), but I know that I was affected by it as a child as well. My mother had to go through this (again, every mother does). She worked on and off while I was really small. I hated it. I can still vividly recall the way I felt when she dropped me off at the babysitter's house. I cried and felt abandoned. I also vividly remember how excited and relieved I was when my mother came to pick me up. I am sure I didn't make it easy for her.  That's probably why she didn't work for long.

Once we moved into a bigger house my mother started a daycare in our home. I liked this very much. I loved that she was there when I got home from school.

After a few years she went back to school. I remember thinking that she was amazing and so smart. She devoted a lot of time to her school work and she got straight A's. After her first year of college my father was laid off. He moved to another city (four hours away) and went to school himself. She was left alone with four kids, no income, and one more year of school to finish. To this day I don't know how she did it. If I think about it for too long I feel anger toward my father. I wonder if he really understood the position he was putting my mom in. It's all in the past now and everything ended up really good. But I think that if my mother had not been the strong, independent, resourceful woman she is, then our family could have ended up with a very different outcome.

She went to work full-time once she graduated (I was so proud of her). She was still a single mother for a few years. My father worked temporary/traveling jobs until he could find something permanent. During all this time I never felt sorry for myself because my mother worked. I was partially aware of how hard things were. My parents did the best they could to keep us kids in the dark, so we could go on living our self-absorbed teenage lives. I was working two jobs myself at this time so I could buy gas/car insurance and clothes. I knew not to go to Mom for money.

My junior year of high school my father finally put his foot down and accepted the 3rd permanent job he was offered (My sisters and I put up such a fight about moving the first two times that he gave in to us.) We moved to Morenci, AZ in the middle of the school year. My mother did not come with us. That was the first time I really felt that she put her job before her kids. So there we were, living in a small 3-bedroom house (major downsize) with our father, who we had not lived with on a permanent basis for years, and Mom stayed behind to work. I think she partially did this to get back at my father and make him be the single parent for a while. That's not what happened. As the oldest (17), I was expected to take care of the house and younger sisters (15,13,9). I cooked, cleaned, babysat, grocery shopped, got everyone off to school and home again, I even paid the bills. If anyone got a life lesson it was me. My grandmother came to the rescue and lived with us for a while and I got to be a teenager again.

After six months we moved to Craig, Colorado. My mother was given the opportunity to manage her own store and she wasn't going to turn it down. So for the second time I felt that she was putting her job before her kids. My father soon found a good job there as well. We moved, and the six of us lived in a two-bedroom apartment until we bought a huge five-bedroom house six months later. My parents still live in Craig and have the same jobs. They are very happy.

There were times when I was bitter about the choices my mother made - and as a child I was unable to see the big picture. I only cared about how it was affecting me. As I look back on that year of two moves and huge responsibility, I can honestly say it was the best thing that ever happened to my family. The choices my parents made may have been a bit selfish at the time (or so I saw it), but those choices brought our family together in a way that never would have happened if they weren't focused on work. My sisters and I became friends. This especially holds true for Rose and me.  In the past we were nasty to each other - I mean REALLY nasty. Moving to a new town, twice, forced us to rely on each other.  She is now my best girlfriend in the world. I have my parents to thank for that.

My mother has accomplished a lot. She is a huge success at her job and has earned many awards.  She has also turned down promotions in order to stay in Craig. I love her dearly, and I see her as a good example of a mother who needed to find the balance between doing all she could for her kids and also needing to fulfill her own personal goals.

My next post will be about my personal struggle with this issue.