Our second and last day in Rock Springs was equally full of emotion. We started the day by finding the perfect bunch of pink flowers. The only thing that McKenna had on her agenda was to take flowers to her Grandma's grave. This is a very sensitive topic for my girl. She was two-and-a-half when Priscilla past away of cancer. But she remembers.
February 2006 - Ryan was in the middle of the second semester of his junior year in college when we got the call that no one wants to get. It was time to hurry home. We arrived late in the evening to a full, sad house. Ryan held her hand and her last conscious movement was acknowledgement that she knew he was there. We endured lots of extended family and nobody really wanting to talk. Ryan and I spent the night in the living room with Priscilla. McKenna fell asleep on the couch while I was on the chair with Evan (6 months old). Ryan faithfully sat at his Mother's side until she passed in the wee hours of the morning. Adults were woken up and phone calls were made.
The funeral home came and took her very early in the morning. Only, one of the funeral home workers had a bad back, so Ryan and his brother Mike wound up carrying their mother up the front steps of the house to the hearse. McKenna was still asleep on the couch. When she woke up the first thing she said was, "Where did Grandma go." That was the hardest question I have ever had to answer in my life. She cried. At two-and-a-half, she understood enough to know that Grandma was not coming back. That is what she remembers, to this day, Grandma there when she went to sleep and gone when she woke up. She will still talk about it and cry. She doesn't understand why Grandma died - that she couldn't live a little longer. She sees that her cousin has another Grandma and she feels a bit cheated. It's a hard thing to grasp for a child, when they don't fully understand the plan of happiness or what eternal families really mean. I knew that this trip to the cemetery would be hard for her. It was something that she needed.
My kids had never been to a cemetery before so there was a lot to talk about and explain. We walked over to Priscilla's marker and I read all the names and dates. We put down our flowers and talked for a minute. Evan was quickly distracted by the grave down the row and he wanted me to read those names. So it went for about twenty minutes. While Evan and I wondered off, McKenna sat there with her head hung, playing with the flowers. When I saw that she was done and walking back to the van, Evan and I met her there. I don't know what she said while sitting there, but I know the she talked to Grandma. She came back carrying one of the three pink roses she picked out. I asked her about it and she simply said that she wanted to keep one of the flowers that she brought her Grandma. She came up with that all alone. It really showed me how grown up my girl is getting. It also showed me that she is not done grieving yet.
The remainder of our last day was spent eating and playing. The kids and I met Stephanie and her girls at the park for four hours of fun and talk. After which, we met at Blaine's for a BBQ and croquette. I met the newest baby Graham, care of Justin (Ryan's younger brother) and his wife Tonya. Beautiful Iliya was a joy to hold. There was laughing and plenty of playful banter. I really enjoyed my trip and seeing my in-laws was truly a pleasure.
For some pictures of that day, and a great description, please see my sister-in-law Stephanie's blog.
The rest of the story of that terribly difficult week: You and Ryan planned Mom's funeral, juggled grieving family member's agendas, and you even helped dress Mom, Sarah.
ReplyDeleteYou and Ryan made that nightmarish week go as smoothly as it could have. I hope someday you tell McKenna that part of the story - about forging ahead even when you want nothing more than to sit down and cry.